Hospital stay due to pnemonia 2015. BANG! I seem to acquire pnemonia almost yearly now.(most of the time it is treated at home)
First off, I haven't had a pnemonia episode since 2013 but, the story of this time is close to the same as my last battle. On a huge side note, I've been an "on again off again" smoker since 2008. I'm working hard at stopping. I haven't smoked at all in a whole week. (yay!!!) I hate the smell on me but, have had a hard time with this because it brings back memories of my grandpa. I miss him so much. We weren't too close but, he loved me and he made sure I knew I was important and loved. So, part of my addiction for it comes from memories of him and the smell of oldspice and cigarettes. Gross I know. The second part of it I just started to understand. I didn't realize this until my counsler talked to me about it. While smoking you usually take deep breaths and relax. So, I had been stopping the actual inhailing part and just held it while I took deep breathes and low and behold, it was TRUE! Imagine that! I just needed a deep breather! 😛
Anyways, maybe you can understand that and maybe not.
So, a couple days before Friday the 4th I realized my allergies/asthma was getting "junky" but, by Friday night I was having trouble moving air. I went to the local ER. They checked my lungs (xray) and gave me a breathing treatment. I was sent home feeling ok. They also sent me with a Zpack (antibiotics) and a steroid pill to open my airways. I started those Friday night. By Saturday night I had a 102 degree temp and was coughing up huge amounts of grossness. I was so confused since I was on the antibiotics and steroids. But, by Monday morning I knew something was really wrong. I couldn't breath without great difficulties and without huge chunks of mucus/blood. I knew this was bad since I had pnemonia in NM. I figured I would need a breathing treatment and new antibiotics. First off when I arrived I was only stating at 78%oxygen withought help. Bad news. After three treatments I was still needing assistance with 15 liters of forced air to stay in the low 90's. The doctor automatically put me in ICU with "pnemonia in right middle lobe". 😖 I felt I had been improving as of Friday the 11th. but, as of last night, I had a CT scan and apparently even though I've been given numerous IV antibiotics I now have pnemonia in both lungs and throught each. Im able to be in the low 90's with 4 liters of forced air now. Without assistance I can maintain for a little while at 87% oxygen. But, it drops really fast. I know there is a reason why I'm here but, I am usually a "do-er" and it's been rough sitting here and having to ask for help.
Please pray for:
My lungs to heal
A discharge day SOON because I'm supposed to start school MONDAY!
pray for our little family. I feel so useless and am ready to get back into my "mom" role.
Thank you for the prayers and love/support.
"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans for a hope and a future." Jeremiah 22:11
Friday, December 11, 2015
Once again
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
To speak or not to speak
I have been hospitalized twice in September since my bipolar medication was not right.
My therapist said I should journal. And I do. But, I'm tired. physically, mentally and every other way. I love blogging but I'm not sure I should. But then again I feel as if I should since there aren't many people who blog about the reality of bipolar. So, Here is how I feel today
Disgusted. Sad. Angry. Hurt. Selfish.
I literally have two or three friends I can trust.That truly understand me. And even then I wonder if the get what I'm trying to say.
Every day is different.
Ill start with yesterday. I was an emotional wreck. I wanted Joe Home (it was his day off) but instead of him being around me he was going, doing things and it killed me. I have to add that I wasn't being very nice. For some reason I was just angry all day. I wanted him to just be with me. Hold me. But, I understand why he wanted to leave as much as he could,
once the kids got home he turned his attention to them (which is GREAT) but I feel so selfish that he chooses them over me. Stupid huh? my emotions are crazy. I want to spend time with my kids and I do. But i just don't know how to spend quality time with them, movies are not quality time and neither is any other thing I come up with.
I feel awful.
I like I'm loosing this battle called life. Jesus has carried me. I don't know how much I cant take.
People this bipolar/ anxiety/ PTSD is so emotionally draining. it consumes my life. It brings me to deep dark places that no one understands.
I want to be a sister, friend, mom, wife.
But I'm tied down.
I am not ok. you ask I say "I'm doing ok. And inside I'm dying.
Lately I've been on medication and it made me loopy and I said things I could never take back. It wasn't on purpose. But I probably lost friends over it. Family even,
This disease eats at my soul. It consumes me every day. I makes me feel inadequate to do anything right.. I try, I do. But, no one understand and I am so ready to be with Jesus and make my families life easier, I just hold them back. My poor boys, How I love them. I want them to succeed! I want the best for them. And all they know is change. they don't know the stability that they crave.
I want to be a light for Jesus, but how can he use ME? I'm such a mess. I need Jesus in this hour in this minute in this second! JESUS! JESUS!!
Please pray for me. the medications I'm on are not working. And I know this. But, I am not willing to leave my family again, My kids are probably traumatized. I would be. I AM.
Please PLEASE pray for us. For me. I can't keep going on.
I'm broken. Seeking Jesus. Seeking friendships. People just dont understand me. Ask me questions! I'll gladly answer. But, Most of all, Pray for my family.
My therapist said I should journal. And I do. But, I'm tired. physically, mentally and every other way. I love blogging but I'm not sure I should. But then again I feel as if I should since there aren't many people who blog about the reality of bipolar. So, Here is how I feel today
Disgusted. Sad. Angry. Hurt. Selfish.
I literally have two or three friends I can trust.That truly understand me. And even then I wonder if the get what I'm trying to say.
Every day is different.
Ill start with yesterday. I was an emotional wreck. I wanted Joe Home (it was his day off) but instead of him being around me he was going, doing things and it killed me. I have to add that I wasn't being very nice. For some reason I was just angry all day. I wanted him to just be with me. Hold me. But, I understand why he wanted to leave as much as he could,
once the kids got home he turned his attention to them (which is GREAT) but I feel so selfish that he chooses them over me. Stupid huh? my emotions are crazy. I want to spend time with my kids and I do. But i just don't know how to spend quality time with them, movies are not quality time and neither is any other thing I come up with.
I feel awful.
I like I'm loosing this battle called life. Jesus has carried me. I don't know how much I cant take.
People this bipolar/ anxiety/ PTSD is so emotionally draining. it consumes my life. It brings me to deep dark places that no one understands.
I want to be a sister, friend, mom, wife.
But I'm tied down.
I am not ok. you ask I say "I'm doing ok. And inside I'm dying.
Lately I've been on medication and it made me loopy and I said things I could never take back. It wasn't on purpose. But I probably lost friends over it. Family even,
This disease eats at my soul. It consumes me every day. I makes me feel inadequate to do anything right.. I try, I do. But, no one understand and I am so ready to be with Jesus and make my families life easier, I just hold them back. My poor boys, How I love them. I want them to succeed! I want the best for them. And all they know is change. they don't know the stability that they crave.
I want to be a light for Jesus, but how can he use ME? I'm such a mess. I need Jesus in this hour in this minute in this second! JESUS! JESUS!!
Please pray for me. the medications I'm on are not working. And I know this. But, I am not willing to leave my family again, My kids are probably traumatized. I would be. I AM.
Please PLEASE pray for us. For me. I can't keep going on.
I'm broken. Seeking Jesus. Seeking friendships. People just dont understand me. Ask me questions! I'll gladly answer. But, Most of all, Pray for my family.
Friday, September 4, 2015
Living day to day/!
I am just going to step out and say this has been the worst and BEST month of my life.
First the bad news.
I became manic severely last month.
It scares the crap out of me! I get so hipped up and CLEAN or do anything to help my mind slow down.
The way my Bipolar/PTSD/Anxiety run, are not the same as someone who has been to war or seen a horrific scene.
A couple months ago we were doing great, I was in my medication and everything seemed perfect. Then we had a FLEA infestation (along with our neighbors!) so, we talked to Ron and Sherri (Joe's step dad and mom.) and we are paying rent and staying here until we can get some bills paid off. It hasn't been too bad. "yet" ha ha, it is always hard living with family.
The other bad thing that happened this month is that after the flea infestation, I started to become Manic. Like seriously I could not sleep!! for almost a week. I told Joe since we couldn't afford the 430 dollar payment for the antidepressant, that I needed to be put inpatient. So, I voluntarily admitted myself to the Red Rock crisis center. I was there almost a week but, I should have stayed longer. My body was ready to go but, I was not on the right medications!
Now, I sleep a couple hours a night.I went in today and saw my psychologist and he was not my normal doctor. He was RUDE and Pushy and just wanted to get to the next case. Im not going to see him ever again. (he was new there but still rude!!)
the medication I am on has me getting hallucination, hear voices, stuttering (Like my brain is going 100mph and I can get the words out. I also cant sleep.I am so manic. You have no idea how your body can betray you and everything falls apart.
SO,
They BEST new is on August 27th 2015 I gave my life to Jesus. I thought I WAS saved but realized that I gave God only PART of me. Not all of me. So, I prayed and gave Him ALL of me!!
Praise the name of Jesus!!!
Please pray for the boys as they transition into their new school. so far we are on a great track!!!!
pray for Joe as he has to put up with me and it is hard for me to let him touch me. That has to do with past issues also.
Thanks for reading and the prayers!!!!
First the bad news.
I became manic severely last month.
It scares the crap out of me! I get so hipped up and CLEAN or do anything to help my mind slow down.
The way my Bipolar/PTSD/Anxiety run, are not the same as someone who has been to war or seen a horrific scene.
A couple months ago we were doing great, I was in my medication and everything seemed perfect. Then we had a FLEA infestation (along with our neighbors!) so, we talked to Ron and Sherri (Joe's step dad and mom.) and we are paying rent and staying here until we can get some bills paid off. It hasn't been too bad. "yet" ha ha, it is always hard living with family.
The other bad thing that happened this month is that after the flea infestation, I started to become Manic. Like seriously I could not sleep!! for almost a week. I told Joe since we couldn't afford the 430 dollar payment for the antidepressant, that I needed to be put inpatient. So, I voluntarily admitted myself to the Red Rock crisis center. I was there almost a week but, I should have stayed longer. My body was ready to go but, I was not on the right medications!
Now, I sleep a couple hours a night.I went in today and saw my psychologist and he was not my normal doctor. He was RUDE and Pushy and just wanted to get to the next case. Im not going to see him ever again. (he was new there but still rude!!)
the medication I am on has me getting hallucination, hear voices, stuttering (Like my brain is going 100mph and I can get the words out. I also cant sleep.I am so manic. You have no idea how your body can betray you and everything falls apart.
SO,
They BEST new is on August 27th 2015 I gave my life to Jesus. I thought I WAS saved but realized that I gave God only PART of me. Not all of me. So, I prayed and gave Him ALL of me!!
Praise the name of Jesus!!!
Please pray for the boys as they transition into their new school. so far we are on a great track!!!!
pray for Joe as he has to put up with me and it is hard for me to let him touch me. That has to do with past issues also.
Thanks for reading and the prayers!!!!
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Life happens
So, I cant remember if I told you last time but, we had to move due to a severe flea infestation.
We are now living at my in laws (Haskins).
Joe is currently working in Purcell. That's 45 minutes one way. :/ But he is doing well.
We got the kids enrolled in school here where we are now. I HATED moving them from their last school but, life happens. I feel like it is so unfair to move sooo much. :(
As for me, I need prayers. I don't even know if anyone reads these blogs anymore but, it is a great way to let my mind decompress. :)
First off the bad. I'm really manic right now. I haven't slept for more than a couple hours a day for weeks. Today is the first time I feel as if I'm coming down from my manic state. Which is great. But, scary. This usually means a strong depression to come. I have never had a manic mode like this. Ever. Its so overwhelming and most people don't understand. On the plus side, the house is spotless. And the garden is looking healthy. I just can not concentrate on one thing for more than a couple minutes. I use my smoking as a coping skill. I know that is awful. But it calms my brain for at least a moment.
I went on Monday to HOPE. It's a place for low income families who need help with mental illness. I was there just doing the in processing for 7 HOURS. But, I'm grateful they are there to help. I'll have my first psychiatrist appointment on the 13th. Hopefully after that I can get back on the right medications. I also found out today that the boys and I both qualify for state health. Which is great because we need it but, I feel bad for having to use it at all. I guess I just don't want the government all up in my business. LOL.
So, Life has been going in a fast "euphoric" way for me. I love feeling happy but, I know that this will end. :( I need prayers that I don't fall hard. Prayers that I can get my "old" antidepressant filled to last me until I get me regular medication.
Also, I need prayer for peace. I am having severe anxiety over the summer ending and the boys being at school all day. I can't get a job because of my issues (bipolar, PTSD, anxiety) because some days I just cant function. But, there is an animal shelter down the street and I may try and volunteer just to get out of the house and not trap myself.
So, I guess that sums up our lives right now.
Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for reading :)
We are now living at my in laws (Haskins).
Joe is currently working in Purcell. That's 45 minutes one way. :/ But he is doing well.
We got the kids enrolled in school here where we are now. I HATED moving them from their last school but, life happens. I feel like it is so unfair to move sooo much. :(
As for me, I need prayers. I don't even know if anyone reads these blogs anymore but, it is a great way to let my mind decompress. :)
First off the bad. I'm really manic right now. I haven't slept for more than a couple hours a day for weeks. Today is the first time I feel as if I'm coming down from my manic state. Which is great. But, scary. This usually means a strong depression to come. I have never had a manic mode like this. Ever. Its so overwhelming and most people don't understand. On the plus side, the house is spotless. And the garden is looking healthy. I just can not concentrate on one thing for more than a couple minutes. I use my smoking as a coping skill. I know that is awful. But it calms my brain for at least a moment.
I went on Monday to HOPE. It's a place for low income families who need help with mental illness. I was there just doing the in processing for 7 HOURS. But, I'm grateful they are there to help. I'll have my first psychiatrist appointment on the 13th. Hopefully after that I can get back on the right medications. I also found out today that the boys and I both qualify for state health. Which is great because we need it but, I feel bad for having to use it at all. I guess I just don't want the government all up in my business. LOL.
So, Life has been going in a fast "euphoric" way for me. I love feeling happy but, I know that this will end. :( I need prayers that I don't fall hard. Prayers that I can get my "old" antidepressant filled to last me until I get me regular medication.
Also, I need prayer for peace. I am having severe anxiety over the summer ending and the boys being at school all day. I can't get a job because of my issues (bipolar, PTSD, anxiety) because some days I just cant function. But, there is an animal shelter down the street and I may try and volunteer just to get out of the house and not trap myself.
So, I guess that sums up our lives right now.
Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for reading :)
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
HOME?
Im tired. Physically, mentally, spiritually. I know God has a plan and I pray and seek. I must be missing something.
Living in the "uknown" of where our HOUSE will be is suffocating. But, knowing God has a plan for our HOME our family and or every need is such a huge part of how I live day by day.
Sometimes it is too overwhelming and I want to run away. Leave the past and begin again. But, God wants me to trust, believe and have faith that His plan is better and greater then I can ever imagine.
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust thee! (or do I?) have you ever thought about how God must feel when he sees His children, His precious children, suffering, lying or just giving up and walking away.
I want to walk with pride and people to see and KNOW why my life is different. Because of Jesus!!
I do not condone gay marriage, Gay relationships and I dont condone racism for people who are red, yellow, black or white or anything inbetween.
I trust God knows why He states in The Holy Bible, that a marriage is between a man and women and why He said love thy neighbor as thy self.
I dont believe that everything happens for a reason or that we were born without a choice. We have two choices in life. Two.
One, to believe in Jesus Christ, ask His forgiveness for our sins and accept His forgiveness as a FREE GIFT TO ALL MAN KIND. Or accept the lies and fake pleasure of what the devil has to offer. Its fun. Its exciting. But, he is here to deceive and condem to hell those who follow Him.
I choose JESUS. I choose to live a ratical life on fire for my Savior. The one who heals, restores and brings LIFE to those who ask.
Im tired of being a Christian. Im now proclaiming I am not a Christian. I am a Jesus lover, Jesus follower and I will persue HIM until I am HOME. Heaven is my HOME.
Call me whatever you want. No matter what you choose or believe, I choose to love YOU. Because God called me to do so. But, this does not mean I have to love your lifestyle. It doesn't mean I have to choose to walk on egg shells in fear of what may happen when I say I will not stand for gay marriages or rights. Or stand for people who are racist. I will stand up for what I believe and I will lay down my life for Jesus. So hear me friends, you may be mad. You may "unfriend" me, you may never talk to me again but, know this, when our days end (and they will soon) you will have made your choice. I hope to see you in my forever HOME.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Slacker
yes, I am THAT blogger. The one who comes and goes on a whim :P
Sorry!
So, I'll start with an update. We have had some major, huge, emotional changes in our lives lately.
First, Joe lost his job at Bob Moore. But, Because we had over paid our health insurance (A LOT!!!!) we have been OK financially. But, during this time we realized we had a MAJOR flea infestation at our apartments. We were not sure if we caused it from a relatives house so, We tried to take care of the issue ourselves. DIDN'T HELP AT ALL! We notified our apartments and they did nothing. We moved out of our apartment on June 4th. And have not been back since. We have had to stay with gracious family during this time. We have notified our apartments 3 times (4 tomorrow). And I have called the health department, district attorney AND the BBB. I've also received some legal counsel. Please pray with us that we can get this solved! It has been a nightmare. In between all this happening, my in laws moved and needed help. Joe's grandmothers house had to be packed and moved. Life has just been a little CRAZY. For now we are currently living at my parents house. Joe is working at Wade Higgins in Purcell. The boys were able to attend VBS last week. And today we took the to see " Inside out" Which I have to admit was a good movie! :)
Health wise I have been mentally doing OK. I had a kidney stone last week but it has either passed OR is somewhere not bothering me. YA!!
Will you please continue to pray for us as we search for a new place and also try to resolve the situation with our apartments?? Thank you!!!
So, I read this today in my devotional and thought I would share.
Jerusalem says,
"The Lord has deserted us;
the Lord has forgotten us."
"Never! can a mother forget her nursing child?
Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?
But even if that were possible.
I would not forget you!!
See, I have written your name on the palms on my hands."
Isaiah 49:14-16 (NLT)
Sorry!
So, I'll start with an update. We have had some major, huge, emotional changes in our lives lately.
First, Joe lost his job at Bob Moore. But, Because we had over paid our health insurance (A LOT!!!!) we have been OK financially. But, during this time we realized we had a MAJOR flea infestation at our apartments. We were not sure if we caused it from a relatives house so, We tried to take care of the issue ourselves. DIDN'T HELP AT ALL! We notified our apartments and they did nothing. We moved out of our apartment on June 4th. And have not been back since. We have had to stay with gracious family during this time. We have notified our apartments 3 times (4 tomorrow). And I have called the health department, district attorney AND the BBB. I've also received some legal counsel. Please pray with us that we can get this solved! It has been a nightmare. In between all this happening, my in laws moved and needed help. Joe's grandmothers house had to be packed and moved. Life has just been a little CRAZY. For now we are currently living at my parents house. Joe is working at Wade Higgins in Purcell. The boys were able to attend VBS last week. And today we took the to see " Inside out" Which I have to admit was a good movie! :)
Health wise I have been mentally doing OK. I had a kidney stone last week but it has either passed OR is somewhere not bothering me. YA!!
Will you please continue to pray for us as we search for a new place and also try to resolve the situation with our apartments?? Thank you!!!
So, I read this today in my devotional and thought I would share.
Jerusalem says,
"The Lord has deserted us;
the Lord has forgotten us."
"Never! can a mother forget her nursing child?
Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?
But even if that were possible.
I would not forget you!!
See, I have written your name on the palms on my hands."
Isaiah 49:14-16 (NLT)
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Antibiotics, stress, and confessions
As some of you know, I have SURRENDERED all our finances to Joe (for the last 13 years I have always done all the bills and taken care of everything involving money). Since I surrendered to to Joe and God, I have seen such a huge drop in my stress levels! I don't need to WORRY constantly and it's amazing! BUT, lately, my control issues have been trying to slip back. And so had the stress! I'm dying going through this rough patch. But, I keep reminding myself "God has control and Joe is Gods helper not ME". :)
On another note, I have diverticulitis and I AM HURTING like no ones business even on the NASTY antibiotics and pain medications. I MAY end up being put in the hospital for IV pain medication and IV antibiotics. ICK!!!
Please pray for Joe and his job as he has been sick and not able to work.
Please pray for me and my sufferings.
And for patients from the kids.
Thanks!!
On another note, I have diverticulitis and I AM HURTING like no ones business even on the NASTY antibiotics and pain medications. I MAY end up being put in the hospital for IV pain medication and IV antibiotics. ICK!!!
Please pray for Joe and his job as he has been sick and not able to work.
Please pray for me and my sufferings.
And for patients from the kids.
Thanks!!
Sunday, April 26, 2015
I was blessed today. It's the kittke things
It all started when Joe got sick. We are currently still working on getting him 100%.
The last few days I've had some slight to moderate pain in my left abdominal area. I thought it was strange but nothing concerning.
Yesterday I work HARD at my parents house where I am currently redoing their kitchen cabinets. I love to remodel especially when it's not with my money! ha!
Yesterday afternoon the pain in my left side started to get more intense. I took ibuprofen and prayed it would go AWAY. But, later in the evening it was apparent that A) It was NOT going away B) The pain was getting worse and C) I was running a fever (102 to 103!). This is the LAST thing we needed!! Joe reluctantly (poor guy has a rough day and was tired) took me to MWC ER (there was NO wait!) and after blood work, IV's and a whole load of test it was determined that I have diverticulitis (I was told I had this a LONG time ago nut, have NEVER had any issues). It is a disease where you get "pockets" in your colon and then things (mainly nuts and seeds) get stuck in those pockets causing infections and severe pain. So, I was given an IV medication and sent home with two STRONG antibiotics, Anti nausea medication and some medication for the pain. The pain yall, is awful. It is in my lower left abdomen and radiates into my left hip joint. it is also in my lower back.I think I had this "flare up" (as the doctors refer to it as) due to me making and eating a health shake (Chia seeds, blueberries, strawberries and spinach! AMAZING!) my mom taught me to make. So, the said stay AWAY from seed and nuts too. BOO!
So, we got home at like 1am and CRASHED. I went early this morning to get my prescriptions filled (I LOVE our CVS! they are amazing!!) and the wait wasn't too bed (10 minuets) and as they rang me up I realized that these "strong" antibiotics are crazy expensive even WITH health insurance!! well, I came up short on being able buy said antibiotics and the older lady next to me said "Sweet heart, I am going to pay for your medication! because, I just saved 75% on my Easter candy!!!" (YES, THE STILL HAVE EASTER CANDY! and it's CHEAP!) So, I was super blessed by this "young" lady and am now fully medicated!
Looks like I will be attending church online today while my guys go to Life Church!
Love ya all!!!
The last few days I've had some slight to moderate pain in my left abdominal area. I thought it was strange but nothing concerning.
Yesterday I work HARD at my parents house where I am currently redoing their kitchen cabinets. I love to remodel especially when it's not with my money! ha!
Yesterday afternoon the pain in my left side started to get more intense. I took ibuprofen and prayed it would go AWAY. But, later in the evening it was apparent that A) It was NOT going away B) The pain was getting worse and C) I was running a fever (102 to 103!). This is the LAST thing we needed!! Joe reluctantly (poor guy has a rough day and was tired) took me to MWC ER (there was NO wait!) and after blood work, IV's and a whole load of test it was determined that I have diverticulitis (I was told I had this a LONG time ago nut, have NEVER had any issues). It is a disease where you get "pockets" in your colon and then things (mainly nuts and seeds) get stuck in those pockets causing infections and severe pain. So, I was given an IV medication and sent home with two STRONG antibiotics, Anti nausea medication and some medication for the pain. The pain yall, is awful. It is in my lower left abdomen and radiates into my left hip joint. it is also in my lower back.I think I had this "flare up" (as the doctors refer to it as) due to me making and eating a health shake (Chia seeds, blueberries, strawberries and spinach! AMAZING!) my mom taught me to make. So, the said stay AWAY from seed and nuts too. BOO!
So, we got home at like 1am and CRASHED. I went early this morning to get my prescriptions filled (I LOVE our CVS! they are amazing!!) and the wait wasn't too bed (10 minuets) and as they rang me up I realized that these "strong" antibiotics are crazy expensive even WITH health insurance!! well, I came up short on being able buy said antibiotics and the older lady next to me said "Sweet heart, I am going to pay for your medication! because, I just saved 75% on my Easter candy!!!" (YES, THE STILL HAVE EASTER CANDY! and it's CHEAP!) So, I was super blessed by this "young" lady and am now fully medicated!
Looks like I will be attending church online today while my guys go to Life Church!
Love ya all!!!
Thursday, April 23, 2015
It's been awhile :)
I want to start this blog by what God has been laying on my heart and then I will update on the our life. :)
So, lately God has been teaching me and impressing on my heart me children. I LOVE my kids and I love being their parents but, I have had a short temper with them lately. And boy, do I feel guilty. Well, today God has laid this on my heart.
Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
I have been the WORST slacker at teaching my children in the way they should go. I used to pray for them nightly and for their future spouses too. ut, lately I have been falling asleep before my nightly prayers. And, I feel utterly guilty for this. I'm sure, just because I forget doesn't mean God has forgotten them. In fact, I know God has a perfect plan for their lives.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster , to give you a future and a hope."
So, just because I forget my nightly prayers, I know God has a perfect plan for each of my children. Another way I feel I have been slacking is just using my words to encourage each of them. So, today I sat down and wrote them each a note of encouragement. I know some days as a mom (or dad) it is hard to see the good in your child. Today I am choosing to use my words as encouragement and uplifting.
In other news, Joe and I went on a belated anniversary trip. First we stopped at The Grand Fire lake hotel and Casino. Don't judge, we had a free buffet and free room! haha! nothing like a cheap date! Then on Saturday we drove... and drove and drove until we hit Kansas city Kansas. It is BEAUUTIFUL! We went shopping at a great mall and then heard by word of mouth THE place to stay was the Ameristar hotel and casino (again don't judge! :P ) in Kansas city Missouri. They had the most amazing selection of restaurants inside a building that was connected to the hotel. It looked like an old town! buildings and everything. The dome shaped roof was painted to look like a sky and there was also a train inside the lobby!! so neat! and the food was great too!
The next day we headed back south. We stopped at my Nanny and poppas and saw my Papa! We took them to dinner and then stayed the night. It was a great time. But, by then I was SO ready to head home!
Once we got home Joe started getting really ill. He was running a fever and having severe pain. I was thinking appendix but, after a CT scan they ruled that out. The didn't see anything apparently wrong accept he has a cyst on his liver. Weird!! The next two days we were back and forth to the ER. They said at on point kidney stone but, by the third time they were totally lost as to what was happening. We are now in the process of waiting to see our family physician and schedule an colonoscopy.
As far as the kids are doing, they are both doing really well. Creed has Really improved in his school since starting at Cleveland! We absolutely love their new school! Creeds grades have improved more than we could have ever hoped! He has just recently been approved for an IE in school due to his reading. He has always struggled in reading and now is finally receiving the help he really needs. He is still in the general population classes he just goes to a few extra activities during the day.
Luke is doing ok. He tends to get bored easy. He loves to read and he absolutely loves science and reading. As far as home goes we have a really hard time getting him to WANT to do anything unless it involves some kind of electronics. Which is frustrating! :( He and his brother are both brilliant.
As far as my health goes, I've had a hard time getting in to see my doctor but FINALLY got in and got back on ALL my medications I NEED!!! I have been having some really hard night with anxiety but, Prayer and reading my Bible have really helped. I've been attending a program called Celebrating Recovery through a local church. It is for anyone suffering for ANY sort of addiction. It has really helped me with many things. My next item.... Smoking! And let me just be honest, I am NOT overcoming this. At ALL! :(
Our biggest news lately is.... We have got a new kitten! Her name is Ziva (after Ziva on NICS! hehehe) Callie Wood. Born March 5th 2015. She is sweet but clingy. We are all enjoying her love and affection! <3
Prayers for now are:
Joe's health
Patients as parents
to become an encouragement an testimony to our boys
Ziva to adapt well.
And as always please pray for my health.
So, lately God has been teaching me and impressing on my heart me children. I LOVE my kids and I love being their parents but, I have had a short temper with them lately. And boy, do I feel guilty. Well, today God has laid this on my heart.
Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
I have been the WORST slacker at teaching my children in the way they should go. I used to pray for them nightly and for their future spouses too. ut, lately I have been falling asleep before my nightly prayers. And, I feel utterly guilty for this. I'm sure, just because I forget doesn't mean God has forgotten them. In fact, I know God has a perfect plan for their lives.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster , to give you a future and a hope."
So, just because I forget my nightly prayers, I know God has a perfect plan for each of my children. Another way I feel I have been slacking is just using my words to encourage each of them. So, today I sat down and wrote them each a note of encouragement. I know some days as a mom (or dad) it is hard to see the good in your child. Today I am choosing to use my words as encouragement and uplifting.
In other news, Joe and I went on a belated anniversary trip. First we stopped at The Grand Fire lake hotel and Casino. Don't judge, we had a free buffet and free room! haha! nothing like a cheap date! Then on Saturday we drove... and drove and drove until we hit Kansas city Kansas. It is BEAUUTIFUL! We went shopping at a great mall and then heard by word of mouth THE place to stay was the Ameristar hotel and casino (again don't judge! :P ) in Kansas city Missouri. They had the most amazing selection of restaurants inside a building that was connected to the hotel. It looked like an old town! buildings and everything. The dome shaped roof was painted to look like a sky and there was also a train inside the lobby!! so neat! and the food was great too!
The next day we headed back south. We stopped at my Nanny and poppas and saw my Papa! We took them to dinner and then stayed the night. It was a great time. But, by then I was SO ready to head home!
Once we got home Joe started getting really ill. He was running a fever and having severe pain. I was thinking appendix but, after a CT scan they ruled that out. The didn't see anything apparently wrong accept he has a cyst on his liver. Weird!! The next two days we were back and forth to the ER. They said at on point kidney stone but, by the third time they were totally lost as to what was happening. We are now in the process of waiting to see our family physician and schedule an colonoscopy.
As far as the kids are doing, they are both doing really well. Creed has Really improved in his school since starting at Cleveland! We absolutely love their new school! Creeds grades have improved more than we could have ever hoped! He has just recently been approved for an IE in school due to his reading. He has always struggled in reading and now is finally receiving the help he really needs. He is still in the general population classes he just goes to a few extra activities during the day.
Luke is doing ok. He tends to get bored easy. He loves to read and he absolutely loves science and reading. As far as home goes we have a really hard time getting him to WANT to do anything unless it involves some kind of electronics. Which is frustrating! :( He and his brother are both brilliant.
As far as my health goes, I've had a hard time getting in to see my doctor but FINALLY got in and got back on ALL my medications I NEED!!! I have been having some really hard night with anxiety but, Prayer and reading my Bible have really helped. I've been attending a program called Celebrating Recovery through a local church. It is for anyone suffering for ANY sort of addiction. It has really helped me with many things. My next item.... Smoking! And let me just be honest, I am NOT overcoming this. At ALL! :(
Our biggest news lately is.... We have got a new kitten! Her name is Ziva (after Ziva on NICS! hehehe) Callie Wood. Born March 5th 2015. She is sweet but clingy. We are all enjoying her love and affection! <3
Prayers for now are:
Joe's health
Patients as parents
to become an encouragement an testimony to our boys
Ziva to adapt well.
And as always please pray for my health.
Friday, April 3, 2015
A Rough Month
March was a kind of a rough month. Joe didn't have a great sale month in February (we get what he makes the month after he sells) and so we struggled to keep up with bills and food ect.
We missed a few car payments. And the car (well, SUV) was having a lot of problems. The shocks were going out and the air and heater didn't work. So, we returned it to the dealership and are now going to pay cash for a car. I REALLY hate having a car payment!!!
In March Joe sold above his goal and so, this month will be all about catching up on everything. Which is a relief!! God is truly blessing us!
Also, we had to put down my cat. She had a hernia when she was born and apparently her intestines were not working and she was really suffering. I am heartbroken over it. She was my baby. She would cuddle with me and follow me everywhere. I even took her to pick up the kids from school with me. (I wait in the pick up line and you have to get there early or the traffic is BAD. So, I sit there for almost an hour.....) Anyways, she is gone. My house feels so lonely! :(
But, I am getting a kitten in about two weeks!!!! I CAN NOT WAIT!!!!! <3
The kids are doing well. I am so proud of Creed!! He was struggling so much last year in school. (He has a IEP just for reading now) He has been getting tutoring and help from a high school senior who is a cheer leader (He LOVES when she comes and reads with him! haha!) But, I am so proud because he went from getting D's and really having a rough time to almost all A's!!! He works so hard! AND his principle told us in a meeting how everyone loves Creed and how much he cares. He said instead of "Everyone Loves Raymond" it should be "Everyone Loves Creed"! :p
Luke has been doing well in school too. Although he is lazy. The work he gets is easy to him and he gets bored. But, His grades are good. The only issue we have is his talking and handwriting (He writes really fast and it becomes sloppy)
As far as my health goes, I'm struggling! I have BAD insomnia and I am out of ALL my medications. BUT, after the 10th (payday) I will FINALLY be able to afford to go see my doctor again. I can't wait! I have been having panic attacks and deep depression. We currently don't have any tv (like local, cable or anything! we can watch movies though :p ) or internet access so, I'm usually home alone and watching NCIS series or movies. Its hard not having access to another human. :(
I guess that pretty much sums up our month of March 2015. :)
Thank you all again for your prayers and love for us.
If you need some prayer, please feel free to email me.
sarahwood85.sw@gmail.com
I would love to go to God on your behalf. It is such a privilege to pray for friends!!!
We missed a few car payments. And the car (well, SUV) was having a lot of problems. The shocks were going out and the air and heater didn't work. So, we returned it to the dealership and are now going to pay cash for a car. I REALLY hate having a car payment!!!
In March Joe sold above his goal and so, this month will be all about catching up on everything. Which is a relief!! God is truly blessing us!
Also, we had to put down my cat. She had a hernia when she was born and apparently her intestines were not working and she was really suffering. I am heartbroken over it. She was my baby. She would cuddle with me and follow me everywhere. I even took her to pick up the kids from school with me. (I wait in the pick up line and you have to get there early or the traffic is BAD. So, I sit there for almost an hour.....) Anyways, she is gone. My house feels so lonely! :(
But, I am getting a kitten in about two weeks!!!! I CAN NOT WAIT!!!!! <3
The kids are doing well. I am so proud of Creed!! He was struggling so much last year in school. (He has a IEP just for reading now) He has been getting tutoring and help from a high school senior who is a cheer leader (He LOVES when she comes and reads with him! haha!) But, I am so proud because he went from getting D's and really having a rough time to almost all A's!!! He works so hard! AND his principle told us in a meeting how everyone loves Creed and how much he cares. He said instead of "Everyone Loves Raymond" it should be "Everyone Loves Creed"! :p
Luke has been doing well in school too. Although he is lazy. The work he gets is easy to him and he gets bored. But, His grades are good. The only issue we have is his talking and handwriting (He writes really fast and it becomes sloppy)
As far as my health goes, I'm struggling! I have BAD insomnia and I am out of ALL my medications. BUT, after the 10th (payday) I will FINALLY be able to afford to go see my doctor again. I can't wait! I have been having panic attacks and deep depression. We currently don't have any tv (like local, cable or anything! we can watch movies though :p ) or internet access so, I'm usually home alone and watching NCIS series or movies. Its hard not having access to another human. :(
I guess that pretty much sums up our month of March 2015. :)
Thank you all again for your prayers and love for us.
If you need some prayer, please feel free to email me.
sarahwood85.sw@gmail.com
I would love to go to God on your behalf. It is such a privilege to pray for friends!!!
Saturday, March 28, 2015
I'm still here...
Just checking in! I'm still alive! :D We are just currently without WIFI and so writing has been a challenge!
Things have been really crazy lately. But, I would rather be crazy busy then to just sit around not being able to do anything. :)
We all enjoyed the kids spring break. We got to go to the science museum and to the zoo! We also got to spend precious time with friends! <3
We are looking forward to summer break!
As far as health wise, I have been doing well. I am not on the medication I'm supposed to be on because it is really pricey!! :( But, my Zoloft has been keeping me from getting down. Although it does cause mood swings... Hopefully I can get an appointment next month with my family doctor to tell him whats working and what isn't.
Thank you to everyone who prays for us! We appreciate it!
Things have been really crazy lately. But, I would rather be crazy busy then to just sit around not being able to do anything. :)
We all enjoyed the kids spring break. We got to go to the science museum and to the zoo! We also got to spend precious time with friends! <3
We are looking forward to summer break!
As far as health wise, I have been doing well. I am not on the medication I'm supposed to be on because it is really pricey!! :( But, my Zoloft has been keeping me from getting down. Although it does cause mood swings... Hopefully I can get an appointment next month with my family doctor to tell him whats working and what isn't.
Thank you to everyone who prays for us! We appreciate it!
Friday, March 6, 2015
off topic
So, I am going to go off topic about all my depressing news and share with you all some of my creations. Unfortunately, I don't have pictures of all my work but, I'll work on taking more pictures!! :)
So, one of my hobbies I love and that helps me calm down is my crocheting! I love to make new things!
My love for crocheting started when my memaw showed me how to make a small tiny blanket a very long time ago. I kind of dropped the ball and didn't really get back into it until a couple years ago. Now, I know so much more and absolutely love making things! :)
Ok, these actually got put on here in reverse order. And since I have no idea how to make it change, I present Designs by Sarah
One of my favorites!
Girls owl hat
This is the Lion beanie
Sushi!
This is the baby blanket that was requested. It is solid red in the
Middle and black on the out side.
Same baby blanket, different view
My first flower
Made a baby hat and put the flower on it. so sweet!
This is a book and or Bible cover
Baby beanies!!
More flowers
Newborn hat with a cute tiny bow!
my handsome son modeling his OU beanie
A hat I made for a friend fighting breast cancer
Baby shoes!
another Owl hat
The start of a blanket I was making for my niece
After I started making more and more projects I had to find a way
to organize it all. TaDA! :)
Just for fun, my cat Layla helping.....
My nieces finished blanket
Baby boy football hat!
this is called a "slouchy" beanie
more football beanies!
another one of my friends is battling breast cancer and this is the design she choose
again my handsome son (I don't have daughters! lol)
had to model this ear warmer!
Blue women's headband/earwarmer
The button style headband/earwarmer
My son modeling the blue child's earwarmer with a bow
Black with pink bow
made matching scarf and beanie
My setup while working usually looks like this
My oldest son modeling a infinity scarf that is red with glitter
Michael Angelo ninja turtle beanie
Well, I couldn't find any more of my work. Hope you enjoyed looking at my creations!!! :)
So, one of my hobbies I love and that helps me calm down is my crocheting! I love to make new things!
My love for crocheting started when my memaw showed me how to make a small tiny blanket a very long time ago. I kind of dropped the ball and didn't really get back into it until a couple years ago. Now, I know so much more and absolutely love making things! :)
Ok, these actually got put on here in reverse order. And since I have no idea how to make it change, I present Designs by Sarah
One of my favorites!
Girls owl hat
This is the Lion beanie
Sushi!
Middle and black on the out side.
 |
to organize it all. TaDA! :)
had to model this ear warmer!
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
If only
I'm sorry. I just threw a fit. I screamed and yelled and cried. Oh boy did I cry. And I am known not to be a "crier".
IF ONLY I had done as God asked and let him show me today was going to be hard and that HE would be there.
If only I had read my Bible like He asked me too.
I would have seen this:
Philippians 4:6-7New Living Translation (NLT)
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Nothing has really changed since the last post except, everything. Yes, we are still struggling. Yes, we are still in the same trench we were. But, I surrendered. God's peace for THIS moment is different.
I'm sorry. I really AM. This is one area where I obviously struggle. There will be more, I'm sure of me falling to the floor throwing a huge nasty fit. But, For NOW, I am thanking God for His provisions in THIS moment.
never Alone
IF ONLY I had done as God asked and let him show me today was going to be hard and that HE would be there.
If only I had read my Bible like He asked me too.
I would have seen this:
Philippians 4:6-7New Living Translation (NLT)
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Nothing has really changed since the last post except, everything. Yes, we are still struggling. Yes, we are still in the same trench we were. But, I surrendered. God's peace for THIS moment is different.
I'm sorry. I really AM. This is one area where I obviously struggle. There will be more, I'm sure of me falling to the floor throwing a huge nasty fit. But, For NOW, I am thanking God for His provisions in THIS moment.
never Alone
on a day like today
I fall completely apart on days like today.
First off, I woke up knowing that today something was going to happen. I get these "intuitions" sometimes and most of the time they are right.
I didn't read me Bible today and was "off" most of the morning. Around 1 I get a call saying Creed fell and hit his head and was not acting right. The nurse advised that we take Creed to the ER to be checked out. They did x-rays because his neck and shoulders hurt and a CT scan because they worried about a concussion. It really didn't take too long before they did the test and gave him ibuprofen. He was soon asleep. If you know my oldest son you know that he is ALWAYS talking and or moving. So, they knew he had a slight concussion. While he was asleep he started shaking so bad! I freaked out and the doctor came in and said she believed it was from his muscles reacting to the injury. We woke him up and he knew where he was and the day. So, they said take him home, keep him comfortable and NO physical activity (Sports) for a week. He wasn't too happy about that because he LOVES recess and play basketball, football or any running activity! :(
So, we left the hospital and got in the car and wouldn't you know it, our car would not start!! We tried to have it jumped and nothing happened. SIGH.................
Joe's best friend Cas came and rescued us and brought us home. Joe went out and bought a new battery ($150!!!) and there went our saving and everything els.
Y'all, I am so shaken. I'm panicked. I'm scared.
Lord, I know you know what's happening and I know you know we cant afford this thing called life. And Lord, I know you know we are struggling just to eat.
Why, Why do we do this to ourselves? I feel so overwhelmed when we can't CAN NOT afford our car, our house, our food.
I surrender!!!!!! I want THIS to END! Lord hear my cries!!! I know others are struggling and I know they have it worse but, JESUS IN YOUR NAME, I pray you teach us. Help us.
Lord, come back soon and take us from this place.
Today has been rough. Jesus says "I AM THE WAY" and today I need my Jesus. Just like everyday. I NEED Him and can't explain to you how HE has impacted me. We are falling, failing and I am hopeless. But, HE IS THE WAY.....
http://youtu.be/SZ-fghqc8Oo
First off, I woke up knowing that today something was going to happen. I get these "intuitions" sometimes and most of the time they are right.
I didn't read me Bible today and was "off" most of the morning. Around 1 I get a call saying Creed fell and hit his head and was not acting right. The nurse advised that we take Creed to the ER to be checked out. They did x-rays because his neck and shoulders hurt and a CT scan because they worried about a concussion. It really didn't take too long before they did the test and gave him ibuprofen. He was soon asleep. If you know my oldest son you know that he is ALWAYS talking and or moving. So, they knew he had a slight concussion. While he was asleep he started shaking so bad! I freaked out and the doctor came in and said she believed it was from his muscles reacting to the injury. We woke him up and he knew where he was and the day. So, they said take him home, keep him comfortable and NO physical activity (Sports) for a week. He wasn't too happy about that because he LOVES recess and play basketball, football or any running activity! :(
So, we left the hospital and got in the car and wouldn't you know it, our car would not start!! We tried to have it jumped and nothing happened. SIGH.................
Joe's best friend Cas came and rescued us and brought us home. Joe went out and bought a new battery ($150!!!) and there went our saving and everything els.
Y'all, I am so shaken. I'm panicked. I'm scared.
Lord, I know you know what's happening and I know you know we cant afford this thing called life. And Lord, I know you know we are struggling just to eat.
Why, Why do we do this to ourselves? I feel so overwhelmed when we can't CAN NOT afford our car, our house, our food.
I surrender!!!!!! I want THIS to END! Lord hear my cries!!! I know others are struggling and I know they have it worse but, JESUS IN YOUR NAME, I pray you teach us. Help us.
Lord, come back soon and take us from this place.
Today has been rough. Jesus says "I AM THE WAY" and today I need my Jesus. Just like everyday. I NEED Him and can't explain to you how HE has impacted me. We are falling, failing and I am hopeless. But, HE IS THE WAY.....
http://youtu.be/SZ-fghqc8Oo
Sunday, March 1, 2015
My brain survived. :p
First off, I joined hundreds or thousands at church online today! (Due to weather and the rest of my family being gone) And, I have to say, Pastor Craig was on point!! Man, if you missed it, you missed the whole truth of being a Christian and praising the name of JESUS! ( Lifechurch.tv )
I am still looking into all this schooling stuff. It is hard to find EVERY single option. I'm open to information on any thing you have knowledge of!
I haven't really looked into just being a dula. (My sister asked about this) But, I really wouldn't mind doing that round either. It's just the joy and privilege of witnessing the new birth of a baby is amazing! If you've never seen a live birth, you are missing out on the wonders of God's hand at work!!
In other information, the new hormones are making me go through puberty (HAHA!) and I am hormonal as all get out! which is a total change!
I have a CT scan with contrast and the nasty icky drink stuff set up for Friday because, they doctor thinks the scar tissue from all my previous surgeries is adhering to some of my muscle and other things on the right side of my abdomen. So, that sounds.... disgusting! hehe!
Other then that life is going to be crazy this week with Luke having a school performance, my procedure and then my step sister inlaws baby sower on Saturday! who!
I usually stay away from doing too much. But, my new medication has really helped and I THINK I can do it!
I am still looking into all this schooling stuff. It is hard to find EVERY single option. I'm open to information on any thing you have knowledge of!
I haven't really looked into just being a dula. (My sister asked about this) But, I really wouldn't mind doing that round either. It's just the joy and privilege of witnessing the new birth of a baby is amazing! If you've never seen a live birth, you are missing out on the wonders of God's hand at work!!
In other information, the new hormones are making me go through puberty (HAHA!) and I am hormonal as all get out! which is a total change!
I have a CT scan with contrast and the nasty icky drink stuff set up for Friday because, they doctor thinks the scar tissue from all my previous surgeries is adhering to some of my muscle and other things on the right side of my abdomen. So, that sounds.... disgusting! hehe!
Other then that life is going to be crazy this week with Luke having a school performance, my procedure and then my step sister inlaws baby sower on Saturday! who!
I usually stay away from doing too much. But, my new medication has really helped and I THINK I can do it!
Thursday, February 26, 2015
My brain my explode... lol
Just today I've have been way overwhelmed with information...
I want to say, I started my day overwhelmed by what the day held. Looking into college is kinda scary but, exciting! I have been wanting to go back to school for a long time but, my plans kept changing. was I wanting to be a MA (medical assistant) or a VT (Vet tech). I have always wanted to be in the medical field and have always wanted to be an OB nurse or midwife. So, I guess I should say that I have already attended 6 births and two of my own. And, I loved every moment of the process. Even the long hours and ups and downs. I've also attended a stillbirth. The hardest thing every. especially when you know the mom.
So, a couple weeks ago, I was at my parents watching some of their kids while they were away. That night I dreamt of my brother and his future with living in a foreign country and I was there to deliver and be part of the birth. I kind of thought it was exciting and interesting but not much more. But, I told my brother about the dream. and he said "Sarah, I hope that dream is a sign of our future! I hope it happens" I thought to myself that would be the end of the subject. But, my brother (I might add he is kinda forgetful) texted me about places HE had researched where I could attend and become what I felt God was calling me to be. This sparked a huge prayer. Is God calling ME to work with ladies birthing and beyond?
So, I've been praying. And researching. I got a call from Platt asking about my interest in their school. This morning I opened my Bible (APP) and God said (5) "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, He will not rebuke you for asking. (6) But when you ask Him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. (7) Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. (8) Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do." (James 1:5-8 (NLT) ) So, I prayed. God, show me your way. Help me to DO and GO where You are calling."
First off, I went to Platt college and looked into getting my associates degree in nursing. The counselor I had was amazing. She is a Christian and we were able to talk about God and church and life. All before we went into the introduction into the school. I learned so much about their program and about getting an associates degree.
But, when I left I felt "off" maybe too much information? OR God Saying something els?
After we left there we went to my moms where I go every once and a while and deep clean her fridge and bathrooms. I also got to see my family. So much love.
As I was talking about the whole college thing, I just felt off. Still.
We left and went grocery shopping for a few items and then off to pick up my kiddos from school. While we were waiting for them to get out (We usually wait in an HOUR line!) I started googling and digging into what I would need to do to become a certified nurse midwife.
I was so OFF yall! I looked at the schools and the qualifications. I wanted to cry. Here I was thinking it would be about two years to get it all done. Come to find out I have to have a bachelors degree in nursing with a master of sciences in nursing.
God, is this a clear NO? OR, are you showing me this so I can start and work towards my dream?
I found so much information. The most Important being, The schools who offer the certified nurse midwife programs closest to us are, Stanford-Brown college in Dallas and The University of Texas at Arlington.
PLEASE join my as WE (Joe and I) pray and ask God what to do. Which direction to choose and when it is the right time.
I feel kinda defeated. This has been a dream of mine. But, is it what God wants for me? Is this HIS calling for my life? I KNOW if it IS HE will not only provide a way but show us the way.
"(21) Dear friends, if we don't feel quilty, we can come to God with bold confidence. (22) And we will receive from Him whatever we ask because we obey Him and do the things that please Him. (23) And this is His commandment: We must believe in the name of His son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us." 1 John :21-23
Thank you for your constant prayers and petition for us. We covet your prayers and love.
I want to say, I started my day overwhelmed by what the day held. Looking into college is kinda scary but, exciting! I have been wanting to go back to school for a long time but, my plans kept changing. was I wanting to be a MA (medical assistant) or a VT (Vet tech). I have always wanted to be in the medical field and have always wanted to be an OB nurse or midwife. So, I guess I should say that I have already attended 6 births and two of my own. And, I loved every moment of the process. Even the long hours and ups and downs. I've also attended a stillbirth. The hardest thing every. especially when you know the mom.
So, a couple weeks ago, I was at my parents watching some of their kids while they were away. That night I dreamt of my brother and his future with living in a foreign country and I was there to deliver and be part of the birth. I kind of thought it was exciting and interesting but not much more. But, I told my brother about the dream. and he said "Sarah, I hope that dream is a sign of our future! I hope it happens" I thought to myself that would be the end of the subject. But, my brother (I might add he is kinda forgetful) texted me about places HE had researched where I could attend and become what I felt God was calling me to be. This sparked a huge prayer. Is God calling ME to work with ladies birthing and beyond?
So, I've been praying. And researching. I got a call from Platt asking about my interest in their school. This morning I opened my Bible (APP) and God said (5) "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, He will not rebuke you for asking. (6) But when you ask Him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. (7) Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. (8) Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do." (James 1:5-8 (NLT) ) So, I prayed. God, show me your way. Help me to DO and GO where You are calling."
First off, I went to Platt college and looked into getting my associates degree in nursing. The counselor I had was amazing. She is a Christian and we were able to talk about God and church and life. All before we went into the introduction into the school. I learned so much about their program and about getting an associates degree.
But, when I left I felt "off" maybe too much information? OR God Saying something els?
After we left there we went to my moms where I go every once and a while and deep clean her fridge and bathrooms. I also got to see my family. So much love.
As I was talking about the whole college thing, I just felt off. Still.
We left and went grocery shopping for a few items and then off to pick up my kiddos from school. While we were waiting for them to get out (We usually wait in an HOUR line!) I started googling and digging into what I would need to do to become a certified nurse midwife.
I was so OFF yall! I looked at the schools and the qualifications. I wanted to cry. Here I was thinking it would be about two years to get it all done. Come to find out I have to have a bachelors degree in nursing with a master of sciences in nursing.
God, is this a clear NO? OR, are you showing me this so I can start and work towards my dream?
I found so much information. The most Important being, The schools who offer the certified nurse midwife programs closest to us are, Stanford-Brown college in Dallas and The University of Texas at Arlington.
PLEASE join my as WE (Joe and I) pray and ask God what to do. Which direction to choose and when it is the right time.
I feel kinda defeated. This has been a dream of mine. But, is it what God wants for me? Is this HIS calling for my life? I KNOW if it IS HE will not only provide a way but show us the way.
"(21) Dear friends, if we don't feel quilty, we can come to God with bold confidence. (22) And we will receive from Him whatever we ask because we obey Him and do the things that please Him. (23) And this is His commandment: We must believe in the name of His son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us." 1 John :21-23
Thank you for your constant prayers and petition for us. We covet your prayers and love.
Monday, February 23, 2015
*WARNING FEMALE PERSONAL INFO INCLUDED*
Men, you may want to skip this post ;)
Today I went to a new GYN. I have put it off since 2011! I just couldn't make myself go after all the surgeries after the hysterectomy/cystectomy/appendectomy journey.
I dreaded having to hear "you need surgery" again.
But, the Doctor was amazing. Listened to my every question and concern. Did my yearly exam (THE PAIN FROM THIS IS THE WORST!!!!) and the results are, I have a swollen out of the ordinary lymph node on my left side (breast) that we are just going to monitor for a couple months. I also have "severe" scaring in my abdomen due to ALL the surgeries I had. They believe that with hormone replacement and possible physical therapy for my abdomen. (I didn't know they did physical therapy for your abdomen! ha!) I will be able to avoid surgery! UNLESS, the pain continues And, this would be the LAST choice!!! But, God willing, the other treatments will work out! YAY! scared to death for this appointment for nothin'! :)
Besides that, we are having a snow day today with the kiddos. They went to school and then around 10am they called saying the roads were bad and they kids should be picked up. LOL! So, now we are just chilling at home!
Today I went to a new GYN. I have put it off since 2011! I just couldn't make myself go after all the surgeries after the hysterectomy/cystectomy/appendectomy journey.
I dreaded having to hear "you need surgery" again.
But, the Doctor was amazing. Listened to my every question and concern. Did my yearly exam (THE PAIN FROM THIS IS THE WORST!!!!) and the results are, I have a swollen out of the ordinary lymph node on my left side (breast) that we are just going to monitor for a couple months. I also have "severe" scaring in my abdomen due to ALL the surgeries I had. They believe that with hormone replacement and possible physical therapy for my abdomen. (I didn't know they did physical therapy for your abdomen! ha!) I will be able to avoid surgery! UNLESS, the pain continues And, this would be the LAST choice!!! But, God willing, the other treatments will work out! YAY! scared to death for this appointment for nothin'! :)
Besides that, we are having a snow day today with the kiddos. They went to school and then around 10am they called saying the roads were bad and they kids should be picked up. LOL! So, now we are just chilling at home!
Sunday, February 22, 2015
If you claim to be without sin....
So, it never ever fails. All week, things (most of the time) go smoothly throughout the week and then BAM! Saturday comes. Oh Saturdays how I have a love/hate relationship with you! Saturdays are usually fun and busy. But, I ALWAYS get this little bug in my ear... this "bug" says, "Sarah, your so tired. You worked so hard this week. It's cold. Or it's hot. Or, your head is hurting...." you get my point! It tries to convince me every week that being home will be better then attending church on Sunday. I have better things to do, I "deserve" the rest.....
And honestly (I told you I will be honest!) I listen to this "bug" a lot.
But, with the encouragement of GOD and friends (I love you guys!!) I have been going more and more! AND, God is working on ME. I am a work in progress and I hope to always learn new and exciting things from Him.
By the time worship and hearing from God's word is over, (DUDE it's ONLY a HOUR out of your DAY!!!!!) I walk out alive, refreshed. And feeling that I am not in charge. I am not alone and I am love, cherished, forgiven and blessed beyond ALL I deserve!
Today at church, here are a few things we learned. And, because I am a lazy person (remember, God's still workin' on me! :) ) I took pictures from the notes. Also you can view the series we are going through right now @ www.lifechurch.tv ;)
I'm sorry they are blurry :(
Most of the things I learned from today are:
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" 1 John 1:8
FLEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"RUN from sexual sin!! no other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does." 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)
and our pastor said something that really struck me "#3 since I've already done it, I might as well keep on doing it" (If I'm going to sin anyways, why stop?!") answer "...should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of His wonderful grace? of course not! since we (Christians) have died to sin, HOW can we continue to live it? Romans 6:1-2 (NLT)
MY FAVORITE PART!!!!!!!!!!!
THE GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!
:... And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide A WAY OUT so that you can endure it" 1 Corinthians 10:13
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. (9) If we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" 1 John 8-9
Lastly the pastor said " Spiritual maturity isn't all about knowledge. It is obeying God and letting Him live through you. Also, the worst offenders are Christians who know the freedom of Jesus Christ and continue to sin anyways."
Let THAT sink in..... As we walk through this thing called life we have choices and we have responsibilities. We can choose Christ as our Lord and Savior and still continue to sin or we can Seek His counsel and turn away and help lead other to Christ just by our actions.
The choice is yours....
And honestly (I told you I will be honest!) I listen to this "bug" a lot.
But, with the encouragement of GOD and friends (I love you guys!!) I have been going more and more! AND, God is working on ME. I am a work in progress and I hope to always learn new and exciting things from Him.
By the time worship and hearing from God's word is over, (DUDE it's ONLY a HOUR out of your DAY!!!!!) I walk out alive, refreshed. And feeling that I am not in charge. I am not alone and I am love, cherished, forgiven and blessed beyond ALL I deserve!
Today at church, here are a few things we learned. And, because I am a lazy person (remember, God's still workin' on me! :) ) I took pictures from the notes. Also you can view the series we are going through right now @ www.lifechurch.tv ;)
I'm sorry they are blurry :(
Most of the things I learned from today are:
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" 1 John 1:8
FLEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"RUN from sexual sin!! no other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does." 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)
and our pastor said something that really struck me "#3 since I've already done it, I might as well keep on doing it" (If I'm going to sin anyways, why stop?!") answer "...should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of His wonderful grace? of course not! since we (Christians) have died to sin, HOW can we continue to live it? Romans 6:1-2 (NLT)
MY FAVORITE PART!!!!!!!!!!!
THE GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!
:... And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide A WAY OUT so that you can endure it" 1 Corinthians 10:13
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. (9) If we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" 1 John 8-9
Lastly the pastor said " Spiritual maturity isn't all about knowledge. It is obeying God and letting Him live through you. Also, the worst offenders are Christians who know the freedom of Jesus Christ and continue to sin anyways."
Let THAT sink in..... As we walk through this thing called life we have choices and we have responsibilities. We can choose Christ as our Lord and Savior and still continue to sin or we can Seek His counsel and turn away and help lead other to Christ just by our actions.
The choice is yours....
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
My heart...
I have a past. Everyone knows. I'm not shy about hiding, Anything! This is my worst and best attribute. I will tell you anything you want to know.
Lately I have been suffering with feelings of great remorse and great shame. Loss. Grief.
I hate my body. I hate that I had cancer. I HATE that I can no longer carry, hold, nurse, care and cherish a new baby.
I feel responsible.
I know we as a family have the worst luck ever. (I guess here in America at least) We suffer from bills, debt and other issues and because of this I claim it as my own reasoning for the cancer. For the reason God doesn't want me to have any more babies.
I have not been the best mom. I would never claim to be better at it then anyone. Never. But, I still mourn. Maybe God knew I had to have the cancer because He also knew that I am not supposed to be a mom? I tell myself this lie. ALL the time.
Now, YOU may think I'm awful and kids would deserve better. But, I have love. I have a growing relationship with Christ. I am on top of my mental instabilities.
Yesterday, I was getting my nails done and as the guy who was talking to me while working explained, The kids where he grew up (S.E. Asia) he was one of two kids. His parents were dictated and NOT allowed the OPTION of more. Whether healthy, rich, poor. No more then TWO children. In his family it was just him and his sister. But, He knew of families who abandoned their babies. The #3 or more. Because they weren't allowed. Did you just READ that!? we have people in this country selling their kids because they need the money, or because they of other situations (which is another story of it's own). But, the people in other countries HAVE no option! The ONE person he knew who had more then two children, who was also wealthy, sold everything he could to keep HIS own children.
Oh how my heart would LOVE to be the one to take the unwanted, abandoned babies. Take all of them and LOVE them. Just to rock them and show them THEY are worthy of LOVE.
God may not have plans for us to have more kids. Although, honestly for the first time since I woke up from surgery which made me sterile, I prayed. I prayed for a baby. I prayed that God would BLESS our family and teach us of all the blessings He can provide.
My hope is in the Hands of the Lord, Who created all living things GREAT and small!
Lately I have been suffering with feelings of great remorse and great shame. Loss. Grief.
I hate my body. I hate that I had cancer. I HATE that I can no longer carry, hold, nurse, care and cherish a new baby.
I feel responsible.
I know we as a family have the worst luck ever. (I guess here in America at least) We suffer from bills, debt and other issues and because of this I claim it as my own reasoning for the cancer. For the reason God doesn't want me to have any more babies.
I have not been the best mom. I would never claim to be better at it then anyone. Never. But, I still mourn. Maybe God knew I had to have the cancer because He also knew that I am not supposed to be a mom? I tell myself this lie. ALL the time.
Now, YOU may think I'm awful and kids would deserve better. But, I have love. I have a growing relationship with Christ. I am on top of my mental instabilities.
Yesterday, I was getting my nails done and as the guy who was talking to me while working explained, The kids where he grew up (S.E. Asia) he was one of two kids. His parents were dictated and NOT allowed the OPTION of more. Whether healthy, rich, poor. No more then TWO children. In his family it was just him and his sister. But, He knew of families who abandoned their babies. The #3 or more. Because they weren't allowed. Did you just READ that!? we have people in this country selling their kids because they need the money, or because they of other situations (which is another story of it's own). But, the people in other countries HAVE no option! The ONE person he knew who had more then two children, who was also wealthy, sold everything he could to keep HIS own children.
Oh how my heart would LOVE to be the one to take the unwanted, abandoned babies. Take all of them and LOVE them. Just to rock them and show them THEY are worthy of LOVE.
God may not have plans for us to have more kids. Although, honestly for the first time since I woke up from surgery which made me sterile, I prayed. I prayed for a baby. I prayed that God would BLESS our family and teach us of all the blessings He can provide.
My hope is in the Hands of the Lord, Who created all living things GREAT and small!
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