Just today I've have been way overwhelmed with information...
I want to say, I started my day overwhelmed by what the day held. Looking into college is kinda scary but, exciting! I have been wanting to go back to school for a long time but, my plans kept changing. was I wanting to be a MA (medical assistant) or a VT (Vet tech). I have always wanted to be in the medical field and have always wanted to be an OB nurse or midwife. So, I guess I should say that I have already attended 6 births and two of my own. And, I loved every moment of the process. Even the long hours and ups and downs. I've also attended a stillbirth. The hardest thing every. especially when you know the mom.
So, a couple weeks ago, I was at my parents watching some of their kids while they were away. That night I dreamt of my brother and his future with living in a foreign country and I was there to deliver and be part of the birth. I kind of thought it was exciting and interesting but not much more. But, I told my brother about the dream. and he said "Sarah, I hope that dream is a sign of our future! I hope it happens" I thought to myself that would be the end of the subject. But, my brother (I might add he is kinda forgetful) texted me about places HE had researched where I could attend and become what I felt God was calling me to be. This sparked a huge prayer. Is God calling ME to work with ladies birthing and beyond?
So, I've been praying. And researching. I got a call from Platt asking about my interest in their school. This morning I opened my Bible (APP) and God said (5) "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, He will not rebuke you for asking. (6) But when you ask Him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. (7) Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. (8) Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do." (James 1:5-8 (NLT) ) So, I prayed. God, show me your way. Help me to DO and GO where You are calling."
First off, I went to Platt college and looked into getting my associates degree in nursing. The counselor I had was amazing. She is a Christian and we were able to talk about God and church and life. All before we went into the introduction into the school. I learned so much about their program and about getting an associates degree.
But, when I left I felt "off" maybe too much information? OR God Saying something els?
After we left there we went to my moms where I go every once and a while and deep clean her fridge and bathrooms. I also got to see my family. So much love.
As I was talking about the whole college thing, I just felt off. Still.
We left and went grocery shopping for a few items and then off to pick up my kiddos from school. While we were waiting for them to get out (We usually wait in an HOUR line!) I started googling and digging into what I would need to do to become a certified nurse midwife.
I was so OFF yall! I looked at the schools and the qualifications. I wanted to cry. Here I was thinking it would be about two years to get it all done. Come to find out I have to have a bachelors degree in nursing with a master of sciences in nursing.
God, is this a clear NO? OR, are you showing me this so I can start and work towards my dream?
I found so much information. The most Important being, The schools who offer the certified nurse midwife programs closest to us are, Stanford-Brown college in Dallas and The University of Texas at Arlington.
PLEASE join my as WE (Joe and I) pray and ask God what to do. Which direction to choose and when it is the right time.
I feel kinda defeated. This has been a dream of mine. But, is it what God wants for me? Is this HIS calling for my life? I KNOW if it IS HE will not only provide a way but show us the way.
"(21) Dear friends, if we don't feel quilty, we can come to God with bold confidence. (22) And we will receive from Him whatever we ask because we obey Him and do the things that please Him. (23) And this is His commandment: We must believe in the name of His son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us." 1 John :21-23
Thank you for your constant prayers and petition for us. We covet your prayers and love.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Monday, February 23, 2015
*WARNING FEMALE PERSONAL INFO INCLUDED*
Men, you may want to skip this post ;)
Today I went to a new GYN. I have put it off since 2011! I just couldn't make myself go after all the surgeries after the hysterectomy/cystectomy/appendectomy journey.
I dreaded having to hear "you need surgery" again.
But, the Doctor was amazing. Listened to my every question and concern. Did my yearly exam (THE PAIN FROM THIS IS THE WORST!!!!) and the results are, I have a swollen out of the ordinary lymph node on my left side (breast) that we are just going to monitor for a couple months. I also have "severe" scaring in my abdomen due to ALL the surgeries I had. They believe that with hormone replacement and possible physical therapy for my abdomen. (I didn't know they did physical therapy for your abdomen! ha!) I will be able to avoid surgery! UNLESS, the pain continues And, this would be the LAST choice!!! But, God willing, the other treatments will work out! YAY! scared to death for this appointment for nothin'! :)
Besides that, we are having a snow day today with the kiddos. They went to school and then around 10am they called saying the roads were bad and they kids should be picked up. LOL! So, now we are just chilling at home!
Today I went to a new GYN. I have put it off since 2011! I just couldn't make myself go after all the surgeries after the hysterectomy/cystectomy/appendectomy journey.
I dreaded having to hear "you need surgery" again.
But, the Doctor was amazing. Listened to my every question and concern. Did my yearly exam (THE PAIN FROM THIS IS THE WORST!!!!) and the results are, I have a swollen out of the ordinary lymph node on my left side (breast) that we are just going to monitor for a couple months. I also have "severe" scaring in my abdomen due to ALL the surgeries I had. They believe that with hormone replacement and possible physical therapy for my abdomen. (I didn't know they did physical therapy for your abdomen! ha!) I will be able to avoid surgery! UNLESS, the pain continues And, this would be the LAST choice!!! But, God willing, the other treatments will work out! YAY! scared to death for this appointment for nothin'! :)
Besides that, we are having a snow day today with the kiddos. They went to school and then around 10am they called saying the roads were bad and they kids should be picked up. LOL! So, now we are just chilling at home!
Sunday, February 22, 2015
If you claim to be without sin....
So, it never ever fails. All week, things (most of the time) go smoothly throughout the week and then BAM! Saturday comes. Oh Saturdays how I have a love/hate relationship with you! Saturdays are usually fun and busy. But, I ALWAYS get this little bug in my ear... this "bug" says, "Sarah, your so tired. You worked so hard this week. It's cold. Or it's hot. Or, your head is hurting...." you get my point! It tries to convince me every week that being home will be better then attending church on Sunday. I have better things to do, I "deserve" the rest.....
And honestly (I told you I will be honest!) I listen to this "bug" a lot.
But, with the encouragement of GOD and friends (I love you guys!!) I have been going more and more! AND, God is working on ME. I am a work in progress and I hope to always learn new and exciting things from Him.
By the time worship and hearing from God's word is over, (DUDE it's ONLY a HOUR out of your DAY!!!!!) I walk out alive, refreshed. And feeling that I am not in charge. I am not alone and I am love, cherished, forgiven and blessed beyond ALL I deserve!
Today at church, here are a few things we learned. And, because I am a lazy person (remember, God's still workin' on me! :) ) I took pictures from the notes. Also you can view the series we are going through right now @ www.lifechurch.tv ;)
I'm sorry they are blurry :(
Most of the things I learned from today are:
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" 1 John 1:8
FLEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"RUN from sexual sin!! no other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does." 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)
and our pastor said something that really struck me "#3 since I've already done it, I might as well keep on doing it" (If I'm going to sin anyways, why stop?!") answer "...should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of His wonderful grace? of course not! since we (Christians) have died to sin, HOW can we continue to live it? Romans 6:1-2 (NLT)
MY FAVORITE PART!!!!!!!!!!!
THE GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!
:... And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide A WAY OUT so that you can endure it" 1 Corinthians 10:13
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. (9) If we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" 1 John 8-9
Lastly the pastor said " Spiritual maturity isn't all about knowledge. It is obeying God and letting Him live through you. Also, the worst offenders are Christians who know the freedom of Jesus Christ and continue to sin anyways."
Let THAT sink in..... As we walk through this thing called life we have choices and we have responsibilities. We can choose Christ as our Lord and Savior and still continue to sin or we can Seek His counsel and turn away and help lead other to Christ just by our actions.
The choice is yours....
And honestly (I told you I will be honest!) I listen to this "bug" a lot.
But, with the encouragement of GOD and friends (I love you guys!!) I have been going more and more! AND, God is working on ME. I am a work in progress and I hope to always learn new and exciting things from Him.
By the time worship and hearing from God's word is over, (DUDE it's ONLY a HOUR out of your DAY!!!!!) I walk out alive, refreshed. And feeling that I am not in charge. I am not alone and I am love, cherished, forgiven and blessed beyond ALL I deserve!
Today at church, here are a few things we learned. And, because I am a lazy person (remember, God's still workin' on me! :) ) I took pictures from the notes. Also you can view the series we are going through right now @ www.lifechurch.tv ;)
I'm sorry they are blurry :(
Most of the things I learned from today are:
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" 1 John 1:8
FLEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"RUN from sexual sin!! no other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does." 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)
and our pastor said something that really struck me "#3 since I've already done it, I might as well keep on doing it" (If I'm going to sin anyways, why stop?!") answer "...should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of His wonderful grace? of course not! since we (Christians) have died to sin, HOW can we continue to live it? Romans 6:1-2 (NLT)
MY FAVORITE PART!!!!!!!!!!!
THE GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!
:... And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide A WAY OUT so that you can endure it" 1 Corinthians 10:13
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. (9) If we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" 1 John 8-9
Lastly the pastor said " Spiritual maturity isn't all about knowledge. It is obeying God and letting Him live through you. Also, the worst offenders are Christians who know the freedom of Jesus Christ and continue to sin anyways."
Let THAT sink in..... As we walk through this thing called life we have choices and we have responsibilities. We can choose Christ as our Lord and Savior and still continue to sin or we can Seek His counsel and turn away and help lead other to Christ just by our actions.
The choice is yours....
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
My heart...
I have a past. Everyone knows. I'm not shy about hiding, Anything! This is my worst and best attribute. I will tell you anything you want to know.
Lately I have been suffering with feelings of great remorse and great shame. Loss. Grief.
I hate my body. I hate that I had cancer. I HATE that I can no longer carry, hold, nurse, care and cherish a new baby.
I feel responsible.
I know we as a family have the worst luck ever. (I guess here in America at least) We suffer from bills, debt and other issues and because of this I claim it as my own reasoning for the cancer. For the reason God doesn't want me to have any more babies.
I have not been the best mom. I would never claim to be better at it then anyone. Never. But, I still mourn. Maybe God knew I had to have the cancer because He also knew that I am not supposed to be a mom? I tell myself this lie. ALL the time.
Now, YOU may think I'm awful and kids would deserve better. But, I have love. I have a growing relationship with Christ. I am on top of my mental instabilities.
Yesterday, I was getting my nails done and as the guy who was talking to me while working explained, The kids where he grew up (S.E. Asia) he was one of two kids. His parents were dictated and NOT allowed the OPTION of more. Whether healthy, rich, poor. No more then TWO children. In his family it was just him and his sister. But, He knew of families who abandoned their babies. The #3 or more. Because they weren't allowed. Did you just READ that!? we have people in this country selling their kids because they need the money, or because they of other situations (which is another story of it's own). But, the people in other countries HAVE no option! The ONE person he knew who had more then two children, who was also wealthy, sold everything he could to keep HIS own children.
Oh how my heart would LOVE to be the one to take the unwanted, abandoned babies. Take all of them and LOVE them. Just to rock them and show them THEY are worthy of LOVE.
God may not have plans for us to have more kids. Although, honestly for the first time since I woke up from surgery which made me sterile, I prayed. I prayed for a baby. I prayed that God would BLESS our family and teach us of all the blessings He can provide.
My hope is in the Hands of the Lord, Who created all living things GREAT and small!
Lately I have been suffering with feelings of great remorse and great shame. Loss. Grief.
I hate my body. I hate that I had cancer. I HATE that I can no longer carry, hold, nurse, care and cherish a new baby.
I feel responsible.
I know we as a family have the worst luck ever. (I guess here in America at least) We suffer from bills, debt and other issues and because of this I claim it as my own reasoning for the cancer. For the reason God doesn't want me to have any more babies.
I have not been the best mom. I would never claim to be better at it then anyone. Never. But, I still mourn. Maybe God knew I had to have the cancer because He also knew that I am not supposed to be a mom? I tell myself this lie. ALL the time.
Now, YOU may think I'm awful and kids would deserve better. But, I have love. I have a growing relationship with Christ. I am on top of my mental instabilities.
Yesterday, I was getting my nails done and as the guy who was talking to me while working explained, The kids where he grew up (S.E. Asia) he was one of two kids. His parents were dictated and NOT allowed the OPTION of more. Whether healthy, rich, poor. No more then TWO children. In his family it was just him and his sister. But, He knew of families who abandoned their babies. The #3 or more. Because they weren't allowed. Did you just READ that!? we have people in this country selling their kids because they need the money, or because they of other situations (which is another story of it's own). But, the people in other countries HAVE no option! The ONE person he knew who had more then two children, who was also wealthy, sold everything he could to keep HIS own children.
Oh how my heart would LOVE to be the one to take the unwanted, abandoned babies. Take all of them and LOVE them. Just to rock them and show them THEY are worthy of LOVE.
God may not have plans for us to have more kids. Although, honestly for the first time since I woke up from surgery which made me sterile, I prayed. I prayed for a baby. I prayed that God would BLESS our family and teach us of all the blessings He can provide.
My hope is in the Hands of the Lord, Who created all living things GREAT and small!
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Life is a roller coaster, sit down and let the ride carry you away
I'm sorry I have been missing. I didn't have internet access and have been in a bad way.
So, here it is. :)
I have been through a lot lately. we made a accidental mistake by writing a check to my doctor a couple weeks ago. The check bounced. (we did not think it would) and around this time my cell phone was off. (I have a phone that you pay month to month and if you don't pay, well, you don't have service!) anyways my number was the only one they had and when they could not reach me, they sent the bad check to the DA. Oh my lanta!! so, I could not see my doctor until the DA was paid off and the DA had lost our information. All this to say, I was out of all my medication and suffering. So, for the last couple weeks I found my old antidepressant and took it. It was ok but I was still suffering. I ran out of that about a week ago yesterday.
Now, I HAVE to tell you guys, I had come to the point years ago where I stopped reading my Bible. I just "didn't have time". But, a month ago I started reading my Bible Daily via the Bible App. And, I have to say, in my deepest, darkest moments I clinged strongly to the words oh JESUS. Nights have been REALLY hard. Nightmares that cause me to wake up screaming for help. Waking the family. Or dreams that when you wake you run through the house to make sure that not only everyone is alive and that no one who doesn't live here is not present. You do not ever leave the door/windows unlocked and you differently do not shower unless someone els is home!
But, a few things have changed!! 1. I read my Bible DAILY 2. My fear even when off my antidepressant has lessoned. mainly in the day time!! nights are still horrific!
so, yesterday I was able to get my antidepressants and anti anxiety medication! Praise the Lord!
On a different note, Joe and I both have the flu. The achy, sunburned feeling flu! and it is awful!
Please pray for our healing
Please pray for our boys to NOT get it!
Please pray God will show us exactly what He wants us to do in this life!
Thanks friends! I love you all and if you have prayer request, please let me know! I would love to lift you up to Jesus on your behalf!
So, here it is. :)
I have been through a lot lately. we made a accidental mistake by writing a check to my doctor a couple weeks ago. The check bounced. (we did not think it would) and around this time my cell phone was off. (I have a phone that you pay month to month and if you don't pay, well, you don't have service!) anyways my number was the only one they had and when they could not reach me, they sent the bad check to the DA. Oh my lanta!! so, I could not see my doctor until the DA was paid off and the DA had lost our information. All this to say, I was out of all my medication and suffering. So, for the last couple weeks I found my old antidepressant and took it. It was ok but I was still suffering. I ran out of that about a week ago yesterday.
Now, I HAVE to tell you guys, I had come to the point years ago where I stopped reading my Bible. I just "didn't have time". But, a month ago I started reading my Bible Daily via the Bible App. And, I have to say, in my deepest, darkest moments I clinged strongly to the words oh JESUS. Nights have been REALLY hard. Nightmares that cause me to wake up screaming for help. Waking the family. Or dreams that when you wake you run through the house to make sure that not only everyone is alive and that no one who doesn't live here is not present. You do not ever leave the door/windows unlocked and you differently do not shower unless someone els is home!
But, a few things have changed!! 1. I read my Bible DAILY 2. My fear even when off my antidepressant has lessoned. mainly in the day time!! nights are still horrific!
so, yesterday I was able to get my antidepressants and anti anxiety medication! Praise the Lord!
On a different note, Joe and I both have the flu. The achy, sunburned feeling flu! and it is awful!
Please pray for our healing
Please pray for our boys to NOT get it!
Please pray God will show us exactly what He wants us to do in this life!
Thanks friends! I love you all and if you have prayer request, please let me know! I would love to lift you up to Jesus on your behalf!
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