Part 2

*again, there may be sensitive subject matter. Readers be advised*


First off, I want yall to know I have a doctor appointment today. Hoping my doctor can help me find the "right" mix to help me start out of this hole.

So, In May 2010 we moved to NM. We had people we knew there and we were very surprised at the acceptance and help we got from them all.
Things in NM started off really well. We loved our new church and loved, LOVED NM in general. Things really started to go down hill so to speak in August that year. We fostered a young man and he had many problems of his own. We set boundaries and we were always at church. But, things with said young man (18) were rough. Trying to make him go to school and church. Eventually we met with the principle at his school and he dropped out and joined GED classes. We told him he had to have a job. Of course help with bills, rent ect. During this time Joe stepped away from selling cars for a go at the oil fields. He was gone 4 weeks out of a month. Which left me with being a single mom and having a foster. I was not getting counseling I needed and not on medication. I went down hill FAST. By that fall I was doing things I never would have. (I'm not going into details) Foster son left to a live in trade school. Just after that Joe's brother moved down. Joe had met a guy who promised him more money to go work for him and after Joe's brother and family moved to NM, we found out it was all lies. We couldn't pay rent or anything. We (all 7 of us) were evicted and made the move to Roswell. We lived in a motel for a couple weeks. The guys (Joe and his brother) worked at a car dealership across the street. Joe met a lady who rented out houses and we moved into one. It didn't take long to figure out that we were in trouble. The living with other people, no money and me not all there. So, my in-laws were supposed to come for thanksgiving 2012 and when they got there we instead loaded up everything we owned and left back to Oklahoma.
Once we were back, Joe got back into sales and we got involved at LifeChurch.tv (whoot!) I was still suffering. So, I heard of a place that helped poor people. I got to see a doctor once and was put on medication. We soon moved into a house and got settled. Joe had a heart issue in January 2013 which led to another job loss and another change in income. We ended up moving into our in-laws house in September 2013 and stayed and saved money. We moved out in May 2014. And again were hit with a job change. We had worked so hard at renovating the house we were in I was devastated!!!! We ended up in a motel 6 after that for two months. Which leads to now. We now have a apartment and are doing well BUT, I still have NOT dealt with ANY of my past issues. I have kept it in and just dealt with the yearly depressions. The nightmares and the not being present for my family.
So, NOW I am going to seek the help I need. I'm reaching out to you for prayers and understanding and forgiveness. I have done a lot wrong. I'm not proud and I know I need help and not just medically but spiritually and emotionally. Thanks for reading and I'll keep posting as things change. Living with PTSD is not a figment of your imagination. This is real.